Upon noticing I have been very absent from my blog lately, I decided to reflect on why I might not have wanted to share anything with the people who care to read this. Truth is, I don’t know that I have any feeling inside to write about any of the topics that come to mind; I am not sure if it stems from the busy season and extra work load I have taken on or if I am just empty…again.
To some people this wouldn’t be new to hear, I have been here before, numb to the world and the feelings around me. So this week I chose to venture through my inner self and see what is going through this pretty little mind I have. The results: I went to work and gave it my all which lead to overthinking and a few mistakes and rough days. I took one of the two days off this week to myself. On my day, I finished some big projects, started some new projects and trashed some projects altogether. The next off day…well that was the day when things changed a bit, it was a beautiful, chilly day with my best friend. I miss days where we just sit and listen to nature and talk and forget about life for a few hours.
This entire year has been filled with some huge projects that I am beyond excited to share soon! I finished some firsts and made some new. I find peace in these projects, I find hope in the ability to try new things and succeed or fail. However, I finished all these tasks this week and still feel blank at the end of the day. I just sit and reflect, I try to think past it; I want to be filled with joy and words and ideas. If I was asked how I felt about a certain project or my ability to accomplish something or just even my life right this moment my head is blank.
I hope you all had a great week; I pray you each had time for friends and family and made the date. I did, it just didn’t change the fact of who I am. This will always be what I come back to, don’t be like this rise above it. I have begun a new book of the Bible and it is teaching me that all these feelings and ideas I THINK I should have are meaningless and that I need to focus on the goal at hand and use my gifts from God and serve. That is my focal point moving forward and I do believe that will change how a week’s reflection becomes blank.